I was taught for every secret
There's a price you have to pay,
I was taught from much too young
To never give myself away.
I was born to worthy causes
I was born to take the reins
I was taught from much too young
To never give myself away.
So try and understand if
I don't say all I can,
A stranger to myself I am
An accidental man.
Sometimes, I see things. They tell me the things I see aren't really there; that there are no big monsters made of rock or men who turn into bugs. The doctors and nurses think I have an imagination and sometimes they scold me and sometimes they comfort me when I wake up from my nightmares. But they don't think my dreams, the things that I see, are real.
They just don't know everything, do they?
'Cause there are monsters. There are scary things.
I've seen 'em and not just when I close my eyes. I've seen a man with a face like a cactus. I've seen women with pretty smiles that hide really sharp teeth. I saw a man turn into a snake and a whole lotta people turn to dust right in front of me.
I know that I shouldn't tell the doctors or nurses about the monsters but sometimes I forget. Sometimes I cry when I remember the cactus-faced man saying goodbye to me and sometimes he has blue eyes and the softest, longest brown hair and sometimes he's so big and broad with this sad expression on his face but he always makes me feel the same ¨ loved; safe ¨ even when I'm scared and lonely. Sometimes there's this woman, who smiles at me until a hand stabs her with a knife made of rock. Sometimes there's a man who's the same color as a sour apple Jolly Rancher but he has these red horns and lips and eyes to match and I want to tell him that Christmas isn't for a while yet but maybe he's the Grinch and he's stolen Christmas. Sometimes I see people who fight the monsters, all these girls who look a little familiar; all these boys and a daddy, too and they fight so hard and sometimes they win and sometimes they don't.
Sometimes real people visit me. There's this man with a really nice voice and another woman with long hair and this cute guy who shaves his head. They see me and talk to me and I like them but I'm not sure I should. Mommy always said I shouldn't talk to common people. And then Xander Harris and Willow Rosenberg visit, too. At first I didn't want to see them but Aurora and Harmony never come to visit even when I ask for them. Xander and Willow are really nice, though. They bring me little presents and sometimes food and once, on a really pretty day, they took me to a park and pushed me on the swings and we played on the slide and the jungle gym. I climbed so high.
Sometimes, on days when it isn't so nice, we sit inside and Xander and Willow tell me stories about monsters. I didn't think I liked monster stories but I do now. Maybe it's the way Xander tells them.
Once they brought two other girls with them, a skinny blonde girl named Buffy and her pretty sister, Dawn. Dawn's hair is even nicer than Willow's and I had a lot of fun combing and braiding it. Willow brought cookies and punch and Xander told me stories about a girl who was really a mummy and how I figured out she was a mummy and saved everyone. Okay, it wasn't really me but the princess who stopped the mummy was named Princess C and that's what Daddy always calls me.
When I finished Dawn's hair they had to leave but Buffy stayed behind for a little bit. Buffy told me that she liked my home and she hoped that I liked it too. I told her "yes" 'cause the nurses and doctors are really nice to me and that those other people come to visit me, too; Wes and Fred and Gunn are their names. And I get new flowers every day, I told her; an angel sends them. That's what the nurses tell me.
I thought she was gonna cry then 'cause her eyes got all red but she didn't. My Mommy told me never to cry in front of people, 'cause they'll take advantage of you. Maybe her Mommy told her about that but I don't think I'd take advantage of her. She seems nice, even if she is skinny. She told me if I ever needed anything at all, I should have the nurses call her. That she'd give them her number. And she gave me a hug and I could feel all the bones in her back and when she let me go, I told her she needed to eat more and that she should ask for two desserts instead of just one.
I think I see her sometimes, fighting the monsters.
And sometimes I see her and that big, broad man, fighting together. I think she's really a princess sometimes and he's the prince. But they never seem to be happy, even when all the monsters are dead. And that makes me sad.
I thought stories were supposed to have happy endings.